Donna: Did you just pee your pants?
Jerry: Just a dab.

Leslie and Ben - Episode 5.14

Leslie: Hey, Jerry, you put propane in the eternal flame, right?

Jerry: No, they were out. So I just got a big thing of lighter fluid. It’s basically the same thing. 

Li’l Sebastian - Episode 3.16

Dr. Harris: That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don’t even know if he has mumps; forgot to look. I was distracted by the largest penis I have ever seen.

I Am Leslie Knope - Episode 4.01

Submitted by: lewsmithart

Happy Christmas Everybody!

Littlefinger: I did warn you not to trust me.

You Win or You Die - Episode 1.7

Submitted by:  lewsmithart

Jerry/Garry: You guys didn’t tell me we were doing this. I- I did not know I was supposed to come up with something.

Citizen Knope - Episode 4.10

Jerry: Can I go? Gail is making a roast.

End of the World - Episode 4.6

Jerry: Chris, I would like you to meet my daughter, Millicent.
Chris: Wow. Jerry, great job.
I’m your Dad’s boss, and his much younger friend.

Pawnee Rangers - 4.4

Submitted by: singlewalkrun

Jerry: Leslie, you look tired and you’re all sweaty.
Leslie: You look tired and you’re all sweaty all the time. What’s your excuse. You wanna go there, Jerry?
Jerry: No.

Flu Season - Episode 3.2

Tom: Club opens at six; event starts at nine.
Jerry: Oh no, way too late. I will be deep into my bath by then.
Leslie: Jerry, god, don’t let us picture that.

Indianapolis - Episode 3.6

Kyle: I love the Umami flavor

Jerry: Stop being so pretentious, Kyle

Soulmates - Episode 3.10

Submitted by: gcrastination